I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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