On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
