There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
