worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
