i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
