I'm going to jail i love you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
