Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My friends, they love my intelligence
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
