I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize