I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
