Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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