honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
