you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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