I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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