Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
