I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
