I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
