I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
