Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
