Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
