Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
