Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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