The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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