We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
