dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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