you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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