You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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