My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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