you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
