1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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