Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dear god my vagina.
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