Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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