But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
