dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
