Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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