she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
