New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
