she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
