Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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