one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
