I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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