I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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