Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
