I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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