Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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