Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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