If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
