nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
