I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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