I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize