and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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