just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
