"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
