so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
