So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think your dad took our porno
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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