He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
