Got a toothbrush?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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