i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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