I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
did i just pee glitter
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