So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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