the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
