i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
