im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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