I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
