he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
