i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
