but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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