what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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