i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
