i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
