mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
