my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
