Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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