I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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