We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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