I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.