We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Still dying that you shit outside
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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