genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
