Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
