I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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