I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
