The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
