i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
