Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
