my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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