I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
