Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
