You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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