So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
